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About The Blogger
(who also makes jewelry for pets)

I have suffered from social anxiety disorder as far back as I can remember-unbeknownst to me until adulthood that it had a name. As a child I was called shy, reserved, quiet, even stuck up, you name it. Anything to sum up why I didn't socialize like the other kids. I never understood why starting in elementary school I would sweat profusely, be trembling, be unable to make eye contact, and unable to even speak at times just being in the company of other people. I couldn't understand why I was like this and why I just couldn't be normal. Why can't I just be cool and say "Good Morning" without wondering how it sounds to everybody who heard it? Why did I always feel like everybody was whispering, pointing, and staring at me? In my head, I was on stage in front of the whole world and they were all throwing tomatoes at me. And in my darkest moments, somehow I believed that I deserved this, even if it was just a figment of my imagination. After cycling through therapist after therapist, I found a nice lady (even though she diagnosed me the same as the rest) who told me what was "wrong" with me the way I needed to hear it, which was softly and carefully. She frequently encouraged exposure therapy in addition to the many other exercises I was experimenting with. "Just put yourself out there. I promise you its not as bad as you think." She'd say that with a heartfelt and reassuring smile. Her encouraging me to try that used to feel like the equivalent of jumping off a building. I stubbornly refused and tried to do things my way which was probably not the best approach since she is the counselor and me the patient. So fast forward a couple years, and I have decided to try this new thing where I take advice from others. I must admit it has its perks. I'm hoping this will give me the little control I so desperately desire when sharing my experience. Here is my attempt at that, letting people into my everyday thoughts while navigating the simplest things that most people do without a second thought. Walking into a busy grocery store, a zoom conference call at work, being at a busy intersection with no traffic light wondering what the car behind you is thinking...all on the "terrifying obstacle of the day" list that my brain puts on my desk each morning. My ultimate goal is to learn to co-exist with my fears and anxiety, gain its trust, then stomp it out. I am going to overcome this thing and hopefully help some people along the way. Well, here goes nothing...

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