Man, things have been going so much better than I expected that I haven't even had time to panic!!! It's almost like I feel like something is missing or like if I don't have a meltdown or something super bad doesn't happen that everything is too good to be true. I'm really enjoying this process of starting a business with my issues with GAD, SAD, and PTSD. I'm conquering fears everyday and showing myself that the big bad wolf ain't as a bad as I thought. So now what??? What do I do when I'm so busy that I haven't had time to think about everything that could go wrong??? What do I do when I don't have time to do what I always do and tell myself I told you so, or maybe you shouldn't of done that or what will people think? 😐. I KNOW how to panic and be irrational, it's a safe bet for me where I think I have some form of control over what's happening. If I react negatively before the negatives occur, then I win! And that's a familiar spot...my zone, my safe place where no surprises can occur because I have already thought of every possible thing that could go wrong. This new thing, I guess normal people would call it living or existing but to me, having a normal life feels unfamiliar and wrong. And by normal I mean going with the flow, not against it. I don't know if I need a break to see if I still got it (panic mode activate) or just to reset and refresh to avoid what has always been the norm to me...Ah well. Time for bed. Goodnight.
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