One reason why getting on a path to healing was necessary for me:
"I refused to continue to be defined and crippled by trauma and things that happened to me that I had no control over. I decided that I didnt want to be the way that I was anymore. I wasn't going to keep running from life-and I was running from the past, present, and future. I woke up one day and I realized so much of my life had passed me by, much of it I don't even remember. My grandparents were gone. Dead. The extreme guilt that consumed me for not being strong enough On Time for them, so that everything they took time to instill in me was not in vain, was too much to bear.
I felt so much pain that even when I got to the bottom of the cup, then to the bottom of the bottle, I was still able to feel it. I was still able to FEEL. It was like my favorite hiding spot had been found out for all the world to see.
So luckily I had enough sanity reserved in me to realize that what I was doing was not it. The key no longer fit and I had to figure out another way to get on the other side of that door. So I started trying to face the beast on my own, and I'd be winning at first but like clockwork by Day 7, I had convinced my self that the beast wasn't that bad. So I sat down and had a drink with it. And another. And another. Until it was all gone. And I was right back where I started.
At some point I had enough sense to go to therapy. I was given so many tools that I was unable to use at that time. But I did figure out what was so hard about being me. It wasn't the first time I had heard it from other medical professionals but it was the first time I was going to accept it. Once I figured out that I am this way because of this, I knew that I didn't have to be whatever version trauma, mental instability, and character flaws had created, and that I could overcome all this shit.
It took me a while to get here, but here I am."