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Cant sleep so here's a quick thought before bed.

Someone I care about told me about a situation they experienced the other day and I literally flipped out and wanted them to respond in a way that was less than spiritual. I had to bring myself back down to Earth and back in a good space. I realized that I was so offended on their behalf because I know how I feel when my clinical diagnoses are downplayed the way theirs was. Its hurtful when you've been struggling your whole life to feel normal and to fit in and just do pull-ups in front of everyone in gym class without it being a big deal. As if I decided as a toddler to cause myself to panic and stress sweat when I came in contact with people. As far as I can remember, I have always felt like an alien, observing people from a distance and only forming bonds with a few allies who I thought would accept me. I thought about how not being proactive in managing and taking necessary steps to treat my anxiety how that in turn allows what other people think or say to affect my peace of mind. I realize that whether it is imagined or if it actually comes out of someone's mouth, I don't have to let my thoughts spiral out of control. I paid good money for therapy and I dont have to let it go to waste. Everyday I get the opportunity to practice feeling what I need to feel, recognizing and processing the why, what, and who and determine what is the resolution if any at all. I have come to find that countering a negative thought with a positive action or gesture seems to help me get out of my funk and release the desire to avenge my precious ego-the part of the mind that mediates between the conscious and the unconscious and is responsible for reality testing and a sense of personal identity. That's my responsibility to myself and no one elses. I can't put everybody in check for what they say (real or imagined), but I can work to put myself in check and learn how to cut the intrusive thoughts at the head as soon as they start. Oh and if you're reading this, scratch what I said about telling them to kiss your a** and follow this line of reasoning above instead...


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